


boys will be bugs

by yoomij



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bisexual Kuroo, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Fuck Toxic Masculinity, Homophobia, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kozume Kenma, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Kenma, Toxic Masculinity, Transphobia, and a dress, boys will be bugs, clothes have no gender, fuck that gender bullshIT, hinata also wants to wear a skirt n dress, its not mentioned but yEAH, just let him bro, kenma too but i dont have the energy to type that, kuroo just wants to wear whatever he wants, kuroo tetsurou in a skirt, kuroo's dad is a lil shit, slurs :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27239398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoomij/pseuds/yoomij
Summary: toxic masculinity is a thing, and unfortunately, kuroo is a victim of it. still, kuroo and kenma grow up together and learn about themselves while helping others as well.based on boys will be bugs :)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 9
Kudos: 89





	1. i eat sticks and rocks and mud

**Author's Note:**

> these scenes are based on the manga not anime (except for one part) *not the toxic masculinity tho

_I'm a dumb teen boy_

_I eat sticks and rocks and mud_

_I don't care about the government_

_And I really need a hug_

_I feel stupid (stupid)_

_Ugly (ugly)_

_Pretend it doesn't bother me_

_I'm not very strong but_

I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs

**Kuroo : Age 7**

Mom and Dad were fighting again.

Their screams were still haunting, even if Kuroo shoved his head between his pillows, desperately willing the voices away.

“-don’t even get me started on your son. How can you even allow him to play with dolls? They’re-“

He doesn’t even know what they’re arguing about. He just wants it gone, no more yelling, he just wants to sleep. 

**Kuroo : Age 8**

**Kenma : Age 7**

Tetsurou Kuroo grew up shy and withdrawn. If any of his current friends heard of this, they’d be mistaken for Kenma instead of Kuroo. It’s safe to say that Kuroo probably had it worse than Kenma. 

He had just moved into a new neighborhood when he met Kenma. He remembered his dad dragging him along, even when Kuroo protested. He was forced to stand next to his dad. When he lifted his head up, there was another kid with black hair that reached his shoulders, staring at him. The kid’s cat-like eyes intrigued Kuroo.

“My name is Kuroo,” his dad said to the woman. “I just moved in next door… uhm, this is my son.”

As they carried on with awkward introductions, Kenma stared at the messy-haired boy. 

_What weird hair._ Kenma had thought.

When Kuroo had moved, his family consisted of his father, his grandparents, and himself, which was four people in all. Kenma never questioned why his mother wasn’t there. 

Kuroo would always find himself alone at home quite often with most of his family going to work. This resulted in him having to stay at Kenma’s house until someone was home. 

They both stood in an awkward silence, staring at the gaming console on Kenma’s bed. Kuroo didn’t know what to say or do, so he just stood there and fiddled with his fingers. None of them really knew how to talk to other kids. 

Kenma glanced at the nervous boy, finally opening his mouth and said, “...wanna play Virtua Fighter?” Kuroo had no idea what that was, but he didn’t know what else to do besides a little nod. If he had said no, they would’ve stayed standing the entire day. 

Kuroo watched in confusion as Kenma clicked some buttons and moved things on the controller. He glanced down at the controller Kenma had handed him and all the buttons just seemed complicated. Kenma must’ve been really smart to know. “Um… I don’t know how to… play, or use this thing… there’s a lot of buttons?” 

“Oh,” Kenma said. “You use these to move around… and this to punch and kick…”

Kuroo pressed the buttons Kenma had pointed to, amazed when his character on the TV moved. “Oh… these are boy’s games?” 

“Boy’s game…?” Kenma seemed confused.

“Boy’s games are games with fighting in it,” Kuroo supplied. 

“Oh… I guess it’s a boy’s game then?” 

Clicking and noises from the TV engulfed the silence as Kenma continued to beat Kuroo every round.

Kuroo kept coming over. At first, the boys would always end up staring at Kenma's bed at the beginning until one of them spoke up and decided to play games, but they eventually got used to each other. 

What was uncomfortable, though, was when Kuroo knocked on their door at twelve in the morning. 

Kenma and his parents were all asleep, but when there were loud knocks, Kenma had awoken. 

“What’re you doin’ here?” Kenma muttered when he deemed it safe enough to open the door. 

“Mom and dad are fighting and I can’t sleep,” Kuroo sniffed. Kenma didn’t question it.

“Just come in I wanna go to sleep again,” Kenma said. Kuroo nodded and followed Kenma to his room. The second they got there, Kuroo flopped onto his bed, his entire body spread out.

Kenma nudged Kuroo's side with his foot, “Move over, I wanna sleep, too." 

“You must be wondering why I’m here and why Mom and Dad are fighting.”

“No, I don’t really care,” Kenma said. He really didn’t. He honestly just wanted to sleep. 

Kuroo ignored Kenma and continued to talk. “Mom said something about how Dad didn’t tell her we were moving so now she’s here and yelling at Dad, of course Dad always has to fight back.”

Kenma stared at the boy on his bed, “Okay.”

What else was he supposed to say? He was just 7 years old. Kuroo sat up abruptly. Kenma’s eyes widened when he saw tears well up in the older boy’s eyes.

“I-It’s so loud, Kenma. I wanna be normal again, I want Mom and Dad to stop fighting, too,” Kuroo cried. Kenma sat there and stared at Kuroo’s wet face. He was only 7-years-old, he didn’t know what to say. He was too tired and young to be dealing with this. 

“What do you mean by normal?” Kenma settled on.

Kuroo frowned and kicked his legs up, “Dad says I’m not normal ‘cause I play with dolls.”

Kenma scrunched up his face, “What’s wrong with dolls…?” 

“He says it-it’s girl’s toys,” Kuroo said. “But I just wanna play with them. He says I should be learning stuff like Karate or play soccer,” Kuroo started to tear up once again. “I wanna be with Mom.”

Kenma stared at Kuroo, clenching his fists. "I kinda wanna hit your dad, I dunno why..."

"Ooh! Like those fighters in the games?" 

Kenma nodded.


	2. what's it like in a female world?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sexism is a thing and kuroo's dad sucks ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobia >:(

_ It's getting cold down here underneath the weather _

_ I skipped class to sit with you _

_ I really like your spotty sweater, if _

_ Ladybugs are girls _

_ How do you make kids together? _

_ What's it like in a female world _

_ I bet it's just so much better _

**Kuroo : Age 7**

Kuroo remembers sitting in the living room with his dad when he was seven. His dad was watching some random channel on the TV and Kuroo continued to play with the action figures his dad had gotten him. He was growing bored and directed his gaze to the TV.

He saw women in dresses. Big, fancy dresses with the prettiest jewels and lace on them. Whenever the women twirled, their dresses would go up and it somehow made them look prettier. 

Kuroo was amazed and jealous. He wanted to look pretty, too. He wanted people to cheer for him when he spun in a dress. 

“Dad, those dresses are so pretty!” Kuroo gasped. 

“Mhm,” his dad grunted. 

“Can I get one?” 

He slammed the remote down the table, “Dresses are for girls, Tetsurou. Are you a girl?”

“No… but I can still wear dresses, right?” Kuroo grew nervous, wondering why his dad looked so angry. 

“No, boys don’t wear dresses, Tetsurou. Boys wear pants and shirts, not those frilly dresses. Wearing a dress would make you a  _ girl _ . Do you want to be a girl?” 

“I don’t wanna be a girl, dad, but I wanna look pretty, too!” Kuroo cried.

“Are you going to become a  _ girl _ ?”

Tears of frustration spilled down Kuroo’s cheeks. “I wanna be a boy! I’m a boy!” 

“That’s enough, Tetsurou. Only girls can wear dresses. You are not a girl, so you are not allowed to wear dresses. And you are supposed to look ‘handsome’, not pretty. Now go play with your toys and be a good boy, yeah?” 

Kuroo didn’t say anything and looked down at the action figures. He really wanted to take the stupid action figures and throw them across the room.

-

“Tetsu, can you help mom with cooking?” 

Kuroo jumped up from his toys and rushed to his mom’s side. 

“No, he can’t,” Kuroo’s dad grabbed his arm, causing the boy to wince. 

“I wanna help mom,” Kuroo frowned.

“What do you mean he can’t?” his mom said. 

“He should be helping me with the yard work.” 

She forced a smile on her husband. “He can do that later, making food for the family is more important, dear.” 

“Cooking is a woman’s duty, not a boy’s. Tetsurou should be helping me with yard work because he’s a boy,” his dad sighed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Kuroo tried to pull his arm out of his dad’s grip, “Dad, I don’t like yard work, it gets my hands dirty.”

“You’re supposed to get dirty! You’re a boy!” he yelled. 

“It doesn’t matter if he’s a boy! If he wants to help me cook, let him!” 

Kuroo grew uneasy when their voices started to get louder. His arm hurt. 

His dad leaned down, face flushed, and sweaty. Kuroo wrinkled his nose and tried to lean away. “Tetsurou, my boy. Cooking is a woman’s job. You’re a boy, if you were to cook, your friends would make fun of you. Everyone would, do you want that? Do you want everyone to laugh at you?” 

Kuroo’s eyes widened, he didn’t want his friends to laugh at him! “No, I don’t want my friends to laugh at me, it would make me feel silly.”

“Good, and if you do yard work with me, your friends would say ‘wow, Tetsurou, you’re so cool and manly!’ Wouldn’t that be nice?” 

Kuroo nodded hesitantly, “Yes,”

“That isn’t-” his mom started. 

“Let’s go now, Tetsurou,” his dad dragged him along with him. 

-

“Dad, can I play this?” 

“No, son, why would you want to play a girl’s game? Why don’t we go outside and play some volleyball instead?”

“What’s volleyball?” 

“It was my favorite sport growing up, I’m sure you’ll like it. You just toss the ball, you know?”

“I dunno if I wanna just toss a ball… my friends make me play ball all the time.”

“You’d make me really happy if you played a bit with me, Tetsurou.” 

“Okay, dad, if it makes you happy, I guess…”

“You’re a manly boy, Tetsurou.” 

-

Kuroo let out a whimper as some girl slapped him. 

“Kuroo was touching me! And he’s a  _ boy _ !” the girl screamed. 

“That’s disgusting!” her friend said. 

“I-I didn’t touch you!” Kuroo protested. “I just thought your dress was pretty.”

“Ooooh~ Do you like her?” a boy snickered. “Why would you like a  _ girl _ anyway! She’s so ugly!”

“Hey! She isn’t ugly, you’re mean!” her friend yelled. 

“I-I don’t like her! And she’s not ugly…” Kuroo said. 

“Whatever. You’re so lame, Tetsurou,” the boy scoffed. 

Kuroo stared as his so-called “friend” stalked off. The girl who had slapped him was crying and her friend was comforting her, saying nice things into her ear.

_ It must be easy being a girl _ , Kuroo thought. Why couldn’t his friend say something nice to him instead of saying rude things that genuinely hurt his feelings? 

Girls could also wear dresses, skirts,  _ pants _ , and  _ shirts _ . Why could girls wear all of those but Kuroo couldn’t wear dresses and skirts?

Maybe he was just being weak. He didn’t want to be weak. He was a boy after all, and boys were strong. 

-

Kuroo’s first crush was on a boy with wild, curly black hair. Kuroo liked his long eyelashes and freckles whenever he joked along with his friends. He was also nice to Kuroo too, always offering him snacks. 

When he told the nice boy that he had a crush, the boy just looked at him weirdly. “I’m not a girl though… why do you have a crush on me?” 

Kuroo blinked and a blush appeared on his face. “Huh? Then… what does a crush even mean?” He thought a crush was when you keep staring at someone and your heart goes  _ thump thump _ . 

“You can only have a crush on girls! You can’t have a crush on boys, that’s impossible!” 

When he told his dad he thought he could have crushes on boys, his dad replied with, “It’s probably just admiration. Just stay away from that boy, okay?”

So Kuroo’s second crush was on a girl. Her hair was really short, shorter than the girls at his school. When he first saw her, she was wearing a t-shirt with one of those characters in Kenma’s games and really loose jeans. The next day, she showed up in one of the cutest and prettiest dresses Kuroo had ever saw. 

She also got in trouble a lot and he remembered her punching a guy. She was really cool.

When he told his dad he liked the girl, his dad had smiled so widely and patted him on the back, it made Kuroo feel so special. 

But of course, she moved schools. He barely remembers her or the boy anymore.

  
  


-

  
  


“Tetsurou, that’s the wrong section,” his dad said. Kuroo immediately stopped in his tracks. 

“But you said I could get any toys I wanted…” Kuroo mumbled.

His dad smiled stiffly. “Yes, but those are the  _ girls’ _ toys, let’s go look at the cool guns and stuff! Maybe I can buy you some cars?”

“But… but I want a doll and have it wear pretty dresses…” Kuroo sent a glance toward the aisle filled with pink. 

“Those are for girls, Tetsurou. Do any of your friends have dolls?” he said harshly. Kuroo shook his head. “Exactly, so let’s go see the  _ boys’ _ toys.” he pointed at a sign that was labeled “boys”. 

Kuroo glanced at the “boys’ toys”, it was all the same. It was so dark and blue and… not pretty.

“Mom! Can I get this?”

His head immediately whipped to the side, seeing a girl with long hair point at a toy sword. 

“Of course, you can.”

The girl excitedly grabbed the sword and swung it around, a large smile on her face.

“Dad?” Kuroo mumbled, tugging at his dad’s shirt. “Why does she get to get boys’ toys, but I don’t get a girls’ toy?”

“Because she’s a tomboy, Tetsurou,” he responded. 

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “Then I wanna be a… tomgirl! I want dolls!”

“No, that would make you  _ gay _ , Tetsurou. Do you want to be… like that?” his dad hissed. 

“What does ‘gay’ mean?” 

“It means you like boys. It’s disgusting.”

“What’s wrong with liking boys?”

“It’s wrong. Imagine a boy kissing another boy, it’s disgusting. Those gays can’t even have children, it’s not normal. If you want to be normal, Tetsurou, you need to find a wife and have children.”

“It’s… it’s not normal to like another boy?” 

“No, you’d be punished for it. And you’d be punished for buying girls’ toys and clothes too. Mom and Dad would be taken away from you, Tetsurou. Don’t be gay and don't talk to those gays either, okay?”

“I don’t wanna be punished!” Kuroo cried. 

“Then let’s get you a boys’ toy, okay? And no more talking about dresses, because that makes you gay too.” 

Kuroo was terrified. He didn’t know that wanting to wear a dress and having crushes on boys was so dangerous and scary. He didn’t want his mom and dad to disappear, he loved them. He promised himself to never like dresses or dolls or boys ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dunno why ur still reading but thank u :)


	3. i'm gonna be mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yay kuroo gets into volleyball

_ I just turned fourteen _

_ And I think this year I'm gonna be mean _ _  
  
_

**Kuroo : Age 8**

**Kenma : Age 7**

“We always play this, so, well…” Kenma glanced at Kuroo. “Was there anything else you wanna play?” 

  
  
Kuroo stared at the ground as an idea popped into his head. Kenma watched curiously as Kuroo walked out of the room and came in with a ball in hand. 

  
  
“I meant games…” Kenma mumbled, eyeing the ball with distaste. 

  
  
Kuroo spun the ball in his hands, “Dad says I should play with balls, it makes him happy. And volleyball is actually really fun.”

  
  
“That one was so close! So you’re meant to put your hands up like this!” Kuroo yelled as Kenma sluggishly picked up the ball. “If the ball hits this part, the ball will go right up!” 

  
  
“So you can raise your voice…” Kenma threw the ball to Kuroo’s awaiting hands. The ball lightly bounced off Kuroo’s hands and sideways onto the ground. “...That didn’t go up like you said it would.” The ball rolled into a puddle and splashed both of the boys. 

  
They burst into laughter. “You-You have icky brown stuff all over your face, Kenma!” Kuroo laughed. 

  
  
“Shut up, you do too, Kuro,” Kenma hissed, but he still laughed. 

  
  
As much as Kenma hated exercising or anything having to do with physical activities, he found himself continuing to set to Kuroo, even if they were both really bad and Kenma barely knew a thing about volleyball.

  
  
“Huh? What are these spots…?” Kenma noticed the purple spots on his forearms. 

  
  
“Ahhh., it’s nothin’ but a little internal bleeding,” Kuroo shrugged. “It goes away, and if you keep it up, eventually they’ll stop appearing all together.” 

  
  
That statement made Kenma start to respect the Kuroo who put “It’s nothing but” in the same sentence as something that sounded as terrifying as “internal bleeding”. 

  
  
“Why don’t you look for people who can play volleyball?” Kenma asked. “It must be boring playing with a total amateur like me, right?”

  
  
Kuroo immediately shook his head. “It’s not boring at all!” Kuroo denied. “You’re a fast learner! You’re smart!” 

  
  
Kenma blushed, “Re-Really?” Kuroo nodded. Kenma sighed and proceeded to step on a bug.   


  
“K-Kenma! How could you do that?” Kuroo gasped, crouching down to examine the little pill bug Kenma had just squashed.

  
  
“It’s a bug Kuro, they can’t feel anything,” Kenma said. 

“And how do you know that?” Kuroo huffed. “What if they do feel something! Would you like it if I stepped on you?”

  
  
Kenma rolled his eyes. “It’s just a bug, let it go Kuro.” Kuroo frowned and got up, walking alongside Kenma.

  
  
“I used to play in a team, but then I moved…” Kuroo admitted. 

  
  
“Hmm… well, if you tried looking here, I think there’d be some somewhere, right?” Kenma said. 

Kuroo simply shrugged. He just didn’t think he did well in new places. 

“Hey! Are you free this Sunday?” 

  
  
Kenma looked at Kuroo’s shocked face with confusion, “What…?” 

-

“You ready? Let’s go, let’s go!” Kuroo yelled excitedly, turning the handles.

“Just go already,” Kenma murmured. Kenma’s eyes widened a bit when he saw the scene that laid beyond the doors. It was a gym, and it was huge. There were really big kids, all in their own pairs, tossing a ball to each other. 

  
  
A man, who was watching the kids, invited them to join. Kenma looked around warily as a volleyball came flying next to him, hitting the wall and bounced off. He watched as Kuroo got into position, the squeaking of shoes slightly hurting his ears. 

  
  
A kid jumped up and slammed the ball in the air down, sending it flying across the net. “What they’re doing over there looks cool, why don’t you go and do some of that?” Kuroo pointed to said kid.

  
  
“That’s called a spike! I know right, it’s so cool!” Kuroo smiled. “But you gotta be tall to do it, or else you won’t be able to hit those…” 

  
  
“Nah, all we gotta do is lower the net,” a man, who looked quite old, appeared next to them. 

  
  
“Oh, Coach Nekomata!” 

  
  
“The ‘joy from doing’ should be what’s important, first and foremost,” the coach said. “‘Those who love something will become skilled in it… or so they say.” 

  
  
With those words in mind, Kenma watched as Kuroo asked for tosses to spike. Even though he kept missing every single one, he kept jumping and jumping, never seeming to stop and take a break. Kenma got tired from watching him. 

  
  
However, Kenma smiled when Kuroo’s palm had touched the ball, sending it straight to the ground. He had done it. 

  
  
It was a small gesture from Coach Nekomata, but Kenma remembered thinking that that was a moment Kuroo probably wouldn’t ever forget. 

  
  
Ever since that day, Kuroo rapidly got more and more obnoxious, he started to love volleyball. He kept dragging Kenma out, it was tiring to say the least. Kenma missed playing in his room all day.

  
  
Soon, Kuroo joined the volleyball team, standing in front of kids and nervously introducing himself. He made new friends at school and started to be able to talk about all things not related to volleyball. While he did that, Kenma still stayed in his room with his games on. 

Kuroo would wake up early every day to walk to volleyball practice and all of the sudden, the Kenma who always slept in, started to have his room light on at around 5 in the morning every day. 

Kuroo was a bit worried and had simply thought he was just pulling all-nighters so he went to visit Kenma, skipping volleyball practice. 

Kuroo popped into Kenma’s room to see Kenma crouched over in front of his TV. “Kenma, you need to stop pulling all-nighters, it’s not good for you!” 

The lump of blanket that was Kenma moved a bit. “I’ve been rising early at 2 to play games, I’m not pulling all-nighters, don’t worry.”

“Just to play games? You can do that in the morning when you get actual sleep! Your eyes are going to get ruined and you’ll be really tired, go to sleep!” 

“If I never went to sleep and pulled all-nighters, my parents would bin all my games. If I just wake up early, they won’t be able to make any good complaints,” Kenma mumbled. 

Kuroo just stared at his friend and sighed.

-

At one point, Kuroo kept losing his volleyball games. He’d always come over to Kenma’s house afterward without saying anything and sat there. 

Kenma glanced at Kuroo. “Do you wanna go do some leveling up?” 

Kuroo glared at the floor. “...Yes.” 

Even though Kenma was a complete amateur at volleyball and was unable to receive any of Kuroo’s tosses, Kuroo seemed to feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :D


	4. im a big boy now and im very scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo's friends suck :/ its okay cause kenma is here :)

_ I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate _

_ Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry _

_ Ain't that how its s'posed to be? Though it isn't me _

_ Boys will be bugs right? _

_ (Boys will be bugs right?) _ _  
  
_

**Kuroo : Age 8**

**Kenma : Age 7**

“Guys… are you sure we should be doing this?” Kuroo whispered. “Dad says I shouldn’t be out at night alone without him.”

  
“Yeah, but we’re big boys now, and don’t you wanna hang out with my sister and her friends and play volleyball?” his friend said. 

  
  
“It’s kinda dark…”

  
  
“Man up, Tetsurou, you’re a boy!”

-   
  
  


“Ow! That’s the 5th time you hit me in the face!” Kuroo shouted, his nose burning as he picked up the volleyball that caused him pain.  
  


  
“You’re a boy, you’re supposed to be strong, you can handle it, Tetsurou,” his friend deadpanned. “Just hit me back with the ball or something, you’re a boy after all.”

  
  
“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Kuroo said.

  
  
“Geez, it’s not that big of a deal, you sound like a girl, Tetsurou,” his friend turned around and threw the ball to another one of his friends. 

  
  
“Hey, Tetsurou wanna come play with me and the girls?” a pretty girl with braided hair came up to him. 

  
  
“Oh. Um, yeah, what’re you play-” Kuroo started.

  
  
“Eww, are you gonna play  _ dress up _ and  _ dolls _ with the girls, Tetsurou? That’s weird,” his friend sneered. “You’re s’pposed to say no. ‘Cause you’re a boy and you should ignore the stupid girls and play balls with us and not girls’ games!” 

  
  
Kuroo frowned. “Okay… I don’t wanna be weird.”

  
  
“Then come play with us and stop talking to the girls!” 

Kuroo seemed conflicted. 

“Tetsurou!” 

“I don’t wanna play with you! Girls are weird and… and ugly and weak!” Kuroo shouted.

  
  
“Fine! You’re a weird boy anyway, Tetsurou, why would you even wanna play with us? Go play with them and be mean!” the girl cried. Kuroo trembled and felt his nose burn.

  
  
It kind of hurt. He didn’t want to be mean and he did want to play with the girls. But he’s a boy… he should be ignoring the girls and play balls and not care. 

“Woah! That was so cool, Tetsurou! I bet you even made her cry! Good job.”  
  
  
-  
  
  
Even if there were no volleyball players in their neighborhood, he still came over to Kenma’s. Kuroo brought over DVDs, volleyball matches in them. At first, Kuroo wanted to watch them, but he passed out with Kenma who just continued to observe the game with sharp eyes.

  
“Woah!” Kenma pointed to a player. “Did you see that play just now? Did you? He briefly looked over to his right, and I thought he’d toss that way, but he ended up setting to the left!” 

  
“I’m tired of just watching, let’s go outside and play already!” Kuroo whined. 

  
“Kuro, you’re the one who brought these recordings over,” Kenma pointed out.

  
  
“Kenma! You gotta play as the setter!” Kuroo announced. “You’re like a  mastermind strategist, that’s so cool!” 

  
  
“Strategist?” 

  
  
“Also, setters are in a position where they don’t need to move around much!” Kuroo lied with a bright smile. 

Kenma seemed to contemplate the idea. “Alright, let’s go outside.”

-

“Kenma!” Kuroo screamed. 

Kenma looked down at his bruised and dirtied body. “I’m fine, Kuro.”

“But...but you fell!” Kuroo sniffed.

Kenma looked at him and sighed. “Stop crying, I was the one who fell.”

That made more tears fall down from Kuroo’s eyes. “And your nose is bleeding!”

“Kuro.” 

“What?”

“Let’s go already and stop being so dramatic.”

-

“Kenma! What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt anywhere?” his mom crouched down to Kenma, examining him.

Kenma pointed to Kuroo, “I’m fine. I just fell down and so Kuro’s doin’ all the crying for me. No worries.”

Kuroo latched onto Kenma’s body, “You’re not fine! You’re bleeding!” 

“Stop crying, Kuro.”

“I’m not crying!” Kuroo yelled as more tears fell. 

“Uh huh.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last part has to be canon :(


	5. they don't say much, but they have always listened to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo's dad is being a twat again but kuroo is ok cause he has kenma :D

_ I'm a dumb teen boy _

_ All I wanna do is quit _

_ My mum told me that she's worried _

_ And I couldn't give a shit _

_ I have friends who understand me _

_ Their names are spider, beetle, bee _

_ They don't say much but _

_ They have always listened to me _

**Kuroo : Age 8**

**Kenma : Age 7**

When his mom finally visited, the first thing Kuroo had noticed was her beautiful jeweled hair clip. “Woahh, that hair clip thingy is so pretty and shiny on you, Mom!” 

  
  
“Thank you, Tetsu,” she smiled back. 

  
  
“Can I… can I try it on?” he asked quietly. 

  
  
“No, Tetsurou. Only girls wear those,” his dad interrupted. 

  
  
“Oh…” Kuroo shrank back into himself.

  
  
“Of course you can, Tetsu. It would probably look really good on you!” she quickly removed the hair clip.   


“What do you think you’re doing?” his dad hissed.

  
  
“If the boy wants to wear a hair clip, let him!” she replied back, gentle hands smoothing out Kuroo’s hair and clipping on the hair clip.

  
  
“Not if he’s a boy! Do you want him to be a girl or something?” slurs flew out of his mouth, unfamiliar words to Kuroo. 

  
  
Kuroo sighed as he listened to the volume between his parents rise. “Nevermind, I don’t want it anymore, you can have it back, Mom,” Kuroo mumbled as he took off the clip and handed it over to his mom with his head bowed down.

  
  
His dad smiled.   


  
“Are you sure, Tetsu? You can wear it if you want,” she looked worried. 

  
  
“Nah, it’s fine, Dad says I’m a boy after all…”

  
  
She nodded and started to walk out of the room, but slipped the clip into his hand, away from his dad’s vision.

  
  
-

  
  
“Kenma do you think it’s weird if I wear this?” Kuroo asked nervously, showing Kenma the hair clip.

  
  
“No…? It’s just something you wear in your hair,” Kenma shrugged, averting his attention to his game.

  
  
“But dad says only girls can wear it. Only girls can look pretty in it,” Kuroo said. “I’d be punished if I did something a girl did.”

  
  
“That’s stupid. Why don’t you wear it and let’s see.”

  
  
Kuroo hesitated, but quickly shoved his hair to the side and clipped it. “...Well?” he asked when Kenma stared at him. 

  
  
“You do look pretty,” Kenma admitted. “Are you being punished?” Kuroo waited. 

  
  
“No.”

  
  
“See? Your dad is weird, you look cool with a clip on and you aren’t being punished, so just wear it.”   


  
Kuroo nodded, watching Kenma play his game. 

  
  
“Um… Do you have more of the hair clips?” Kenma asked quietly.

  
  
“Huh? No… why?” Kuroo looked at his friend.

  
  
“Nevermind,” Kenma shook his head. 

  
  
“Tell me! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!” Kuroo whined, pulling Kenma’s arm. 

  
  
“Fine! Stop being annoying then!” Kuroo dropped Kenma’s arm. “...I wanna try a hair clip.”

  
  
“Really! Then try on the one I have right now! I’ll just ask mom for more!” Kuroo shouted. 

  
  
“What?” 

  
  
“Look!” Kuroo forced Kenma to turn his head. He quickly took off the hair clip and messily clipped it onto Kenma’s hair. 

  
  
“Stop… that hurts, stop pulling, Kuro!” Kenma groaned, trying to push him away. 

  
  
“You look brighter! You look so cool, Kenma!” Kuroo said with a smile. “You should keep it! I’ll get another one!”

  
  
Kenma nodded and they fell into a peaceful silence once again. 

  
  
“I don’t understand why people say stuff like girls and boys clothes and toys…” Kenma said. “Why is it girls and boys toys?”

  
  
“Well-” Kuroo stopped. “Huh. Dad always says that a boy should be doing boy stuff and a girl should be doing girl stuff. But what is girl and boy stuff?” 

  
  
“Yeah… why does it matter?” Kenma said.

  
  
“Dad says I’ll be made fun of by my friend,” Kuroo frowned. 

  
  
“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter. Your friend can’t stop you from doing that,” Kenma said. 

  
  
“I guess you’re right...”   



	6. block it out and never feel it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tell kuroo to find better friends

_ The other boys at school _

_ Think it's cool to hate your parents _

_ But they're lying all the time _

_ The bugs advised that I should let 'em _

_ And if you wanna cry _

_ Make sure that they never see it _

_ Or even better yet _

_ Block it out and never feel it _ _  
  
_

**Kuroo : Age 12**

“Ugh, I hate my mom so much,” Kuroo’s friend groaned.    
  
“Huh? Why?”   
  
“Are you even serious, Kuroo?” his friend rolled his eyes. “She’s just so embarrassing all the time. She keeps saying ‘I love you’. Not cool at all, bro.”   
  
“Yeah, if you actually like your parents, you’re so lame, Kuroo,” another guy laughed. “They get in the way of everything. I just wanna run away sometimes, but they pay for everything, you know?”    
  


“So… I should hate Mom and Dad?” Kuroo asked. 

  
  
“Yeah, dude, it’s not like they’re special or anything.”

  
  
“They keep telling you to eat this and eat that, like geez let me do whatever I want, I’m not a kid anymore!” more laughter.

  
  
“And it’s so weird when kids cry over their parents saying that they hate them!”

  
  
“I can understand if the girls cry, ‘cause they’re  _ girls _ . But the boys? Nah, those boys are weak like girls. Why should you cry over your mom and dad. I hate them.” 

  
  
“Why do kids even wanna spend time with their parents? You already see their stupid faces everyday…”

Kuroo didn’t like being there, listening to his friends talk so cruelly about their parents. He felt like crying again. He hated crying. Crying sucked. It’s easier to keep the tears back when you’re in front of people, though. 

  
  
-   


  
One of the highlights of Kuroo’s days was when his mom would call him. “Tetsu, do you want dad to drive to my house tomorrow so we can go shopping? Don’t worry, I’ll tell him I’m taking you to watch an action movie or something.” 

  
  
“Yeah! I wanna get a pretty, flowy dress!” Kuroo then remembered what his friends had said. 

  
  
It sounded like he liked and wanted to spend time with his mom. “Nevermind. I’ll stay at home.”    


  
“What? Are you sure Tetsu? You sounded so excited…”

  
  
“It’s fine. I see you every weekend, anyway. I don’t wanna spend any more time seeing you, Mom…” Kuroo muttered. 

  
  
“I… I see… have a good day then, Tetsurou.” a beep indicated that the call ended. The stupid, annoying tears were back. His mom sounded like him when Dad told him he wasn’t allowed to look at the dolls at the store. 

  
  
It shouldn’t matter. Why was he even crying? He’s a boy, he should be strong and he should never cry. 

  
  
He didn’t like how he had spoken to his mom. His mom always tried to buy him the “girl” things he wanted. He only got to see her two days a week. But he’s a boy, he shouldn’t care about his mom or dad. He shouldn’t even  _ cry _ . 

  
  
He tried to stop the tears, swallowing the lump in his throat and furiously washing his face. Then the horrible  _ awful _ words of his friend clouded his mind. He sat down on the ground and allowed himself to sob, hoping nobody was at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(


	7. i think i know everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't treat women like they're objects k?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobic slurs and objectifying women

_ I just turned fourteen _

_ And I think I know everything _

**Kuroo : Age 12**

“Are you a tits or ass guy?” his friend said. 

“Asses are pretty nice…” someone answered.

“Yeah, but tits, they’re so fuckin’ nice and big.”

“If you’re looking for big tits, you should be lookin’ at her.” a finger pointed to a girl in their friend group. She blushed and laughed. 

“Yeah, and she also has a nice ass!” 

“You can touch them if you’d like,” she shrugged. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, having remained silent the whole time.

“Doesn’t it… make you uncomfortable?” Kuroo said quietly to her.

“What do you mean? Boys are supposed to touch girls like this, otherwise, it’d be weird,” she said back. 

“Yeah, why are you being so weird, Kuroo? If you wanna touch her big tits and ass, just do it, she’s only a girl!” his friend laughed, a hand shooting out to poke at her boobs. 

“That kinda feels ticklish,” she giggled. 

-

“Dad, what are these…?” Kuroo frowned when he pulled out magazines from under his dad’s bed. He immediately closed his eyes and saw a woman's body, with a chest that looked like his mom’s and that girl. 

“Those are porn magazines for boys, you can have them, Tetsurou.”

“P-Porn magazines…?”

“Yes, for grown-up boys like you, Tetsurou.”

“I don’t want them… It feels weird looking at… that.”

“That’s a good thing, you’re supposed to feel weird.”

“But I don’t wanna look at it! It makes me feel weird in a bad way, Dad.” 

“Are you a fag or something?” he scoffed. “They’re just pictures of women.”

  
Was it really normal for grown-up boys to touch girls, watch, and read naked pictures of them? He didn’t like it. He didn’t like looking at another woman’s body and he’s supposed to just  _ enjoy _ it? It sounded disgusting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hated writing this chapter


	8. stay out at night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo's dad is a bitch again but when is he not also kenma stand up for kuroo and wow more coming out!!11!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homphobic slurs

_ Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary _

_ I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate _

_ Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry _

_ Ain't that how it's s'posed to be? Though it isn't me _

_ Boys will be bugs right? _

_ (Boys will be bugs right?) _

**Kuroo : Age 14**

**Kenma: Age 13**

“Is that makeup?”

Kuroo flinched and turned around from his dad. “I-It’s not.” A hand clutched Kuroo’s cheeks. 

“The hell it isn’t! You’re a fag aren’t ya?” 

His dad was terrifying, his wrinkly face red, and his breath had stank so heavy with beer and whatever meal he had eaten.

Kuroo grabbed his dad’s hands and took them off his face, leaning away. “It’s just foundation. I didn’t like how my acne looked on my face.”

“What’s that glitter shit on your lips then, huh?” 

Kuroo wiped his mouth, he knew he couldn’t lie and say it was nothing. “I kissed a girl.” 

That seemed to satisfy his dad greatly. “Good job, you’re making me proud. But don’t wear foundation or any makeup, it’ll make others think you’re gay.”

-  
  


Kuroo’s eyes widened when he opened the mysterious package that had arrived at his house. He immediately closed the package, rushing to Kenma’s house with the package in hand. 

“Kenma!” Kuroo yelled, bursting into his friend’s room. 

“What now?” Kenma sighed. 

“Look what Mom sent! I think you’ll like it, too!” Kuroo said, reopening the package. Inside laid the prettiest and softest dresses, skirts, and hair clips Kuroo had ever seen. 

Kenma was happy for his friend. “You should try them on, Kuro.”

“Are… are you sure?” Kuroo whispered, looking at him.

“Yeah, you always wanted to wear a dress, just do it!” Kenma said. 

“You have to do it with me! I know you wanna wear a dress too!” 

Kuroo was somewhat nervous when he took off his volleyball uniform and took out the black dress. It was so delicate, he was scared he was going to rip it. But It was so pretty. 

He gently slipped it on, the fabric making his skin tingle. It felt  _ amazing _ . It wasn’t anything like the things he wore. The pants and shirt he wore were always so tough and sometimes uncomfortable. However, the dress fit perfectly and it was extremely soft brushing against his skin. 

When he went out, the only thing he could do was stare at Kenma. “Woah, Kenma, I-”

“Shh, let’s look in the mirror first,” Kenma said nervously. 

He felt pretty. For the first time in his life, Kuroo Tetsurou felt pretty. 

Kuroo took a deep breath in. “Kenma…” his voice wavered. “I feel pretty. And I’m not being punished. And I’m wearing ‘girl’ clothes. And you are too.” 

“Yeah, Kuroo, you’re gorgeous,” Kenma replied, a small smile on his face. He truly did look gorgeous, the short black dress framing his body shape perfectly and his legs looked  _ amazing _ . 

“And you look so cool, Kenma!” 

“It’s not much…” Kenma murmured. He just slipped on a white pleated skirt and a sweatshirt he had. “But I guess I like it…” 

“Let’s play volleyball, Kenma! With the skirt and dress.”

-

“No way, is that Kuroo in a dress?” 

Kenma held the ball tightly, his eyes scanning the group of boys that had just walked up to them. 

“Kuroo, are you a  _ girl _ ? Are you a girl too, Kenma?” the boys laughed. 

“I’m not a girl! I’m still a boy and wearing a dress still makes me a boy, Kenma too!” Kuroo protested. Kenma pursed his lips. 

“Nah! Why’re you wearing girl clothes? Boys don’t wear dresses or skirts are you a fag or something?” the boys scoffed. “You look so stupid in it! You’re a  _ girl _ . So are you going to cry now?” 

“I’m a boy!” Kuroo yelled. 

“Then why’re you wearing a dress? Everyone says it’s a sin, and you’re going to go for hell for it then. It’s literally so fucking disgusting. You don’t even look good in it. Stop trying to be a girl.”

The boy who had been talking was knocked to the ground by the ball Kenma threw his way. “Funny how I’m trying to look for a fuck to give yet I can’t any. I literally do not remember asking for your opinion,” Kenma deadpanned. “Just look away if you’re so bothered.” 

Kenma grabbed Kuroo’s arm and dragged him back to his house. “Here’s a tissue,” Kenma said, carelessly tossing Kuroo a box of tissues. Kuroo sniffed out a watery thank you and blew his nose.

“It’s not fair,” was all he said before dissolving into more tears. Kenma just sat next to him, not knowing what to do. He didn’t do comfort or that kind of shit. 

“I don’t really feel like a girl or a boy,” Kenma finally said after a few minutes. Kuroo grunted, showing that he was listening. “I dunno. I don’t really understand why that gender stuff matters. Sometimes I just wanna wear a dress or a skirt or whatever. I don’t really care. Like how am I supposed to know if I’m a girl or a boy, does it really matter? I just wanna be myself and do whatever shit I want.” 

“So are you a girl or a boy?” Kuroo said.

“Bitch- Did you not listen to me? I don’t feel like a girl or a boy. I’m none,” Kenma smacked Kuroo lightly on the back of his head. 

“So you’re nonbinary!” Kuroo said. “And go by they and them pronouns! So cool, Kenma!” 

“Yeah… I guess,” Kenma replied. “I just wanna explore my style and just  _ exist _ . I don’t want to be bounded by one single gender.” 

“It’s so cool how you can be so confident, Kenma,” Kuroo sighed. “I wanna wear a dress and do all that shit people call ‘girly’ while still being a boy.”

“Then do it, Kuro. You look good in a dress and there’s nobody stopping you, so just fucking do it.” 

“Yeah, let’s fuckin’ do it! We’ll even get our nails done, let’s go, Kenma!” Kuroo hopped up, pulling Kenma along with him. 

“I’ve had… enough exercise for today, let go Kuro,” Kenma screeched. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't you love it when kuroken :)


	9. just turned fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo's dad is back at it but kuroo is CONFIDENT and let's go on an adventure!!1 with kuroken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homphobic AND transphobic slurs

_ Just turned fourteen _

_ And I think this year I'm gonna be mean _

_ (Just turned fourteen and I think I know everything) _

_ Just turned fourteen _

_ And I think this year I'm gonna be mean _

_ (Just turned fourteen and I think the world revolves around me) _

  
  


**Kuroo : Age 14**

**Kenma : Age 13**

It was in the middle of the night when his dad had yelled for him. “Kuroo Tetsurou!” Kuroo scrambled up from the couch and ran to his room. 

“Yeah…” Kuroo murmured. 

“What is this?” his dad held up the package. Kuroo’s eyes widened. 

“It’s my dresses and skirts,” Kuroo said quietly, afraid of his dad’s reaction. 

“I thought you were a boy, Tetsurou.” his voice was oddly calm, which did not help settle Kuroo’s nerves.

“I am a boy,” Kuroo stated. 

“Then why the fuck are you wearing dresses and all this woman stuff?” He yelled and threw the package to the ground. 

“Stop!” Kuroo yelled, lunging for the package. 

“Tell me, are you a  _ fag _ now?” his dad grabbed his arm to stop him. “I told you boys don’t wear girl stuff, so why?”

Kuroo clenched his teeth and blinked back the tears. “I just wanna wear it! I’m still a boy.”

“Then you're a tranny?” he hissed. “I didn’t raise you to be this way! Throw the damn girl stuff away or I’ll burn them into ashes!” 

Kuroo’s eyes widened as he tried to wretch his arm out of his dad’s tight grip. “I don’t wanna!” 

He let go of Kuroo, pushing him to the ground. “I’ll disown you!” 

Kuroo’s heart hit his ribcage, everything was so loud. His dad was huge, towering over him, how could he even think of wearing a dress? It was wrong. It didn’t fit society’s views. He wasn’t a boy. He’s not allowed to wear it. He’d be judged by everyone. What would everyone think if they saw him in a dress? He probably didn’t even look good in one anyway. 

_ Why should it matter? _

Kuroo forced himself to stand, ignoring all the thoughts of his brain and glared at the man. “Then fucking disown me, I don’t want to live with you. I’m a fucking boy who likes to wear ‘girl’ clothes, deal with it, you old bitch.” Kuroo stuck a tongue out, mentally laughing at how immature he was. 

-

“Kenma!” Kuroo burst into his friend’s room with the biggest smile. 

“What?” Kenma grunted. 

“My dad found the package and he yelled at me,” Kuroo explained. Kenma looked up from the TV. 

“Are… you okay?” 

“Yeah! I fucking cursed him out ‘cause he thought threatening to disown me was gonna be a bad thing. Like, bitch, do you think I care about you that much,” Kuroo rolled his eyes. 

A smile played on Kenma’s lips. “I’m glad. I- uh, told my parents I was nonbinary.” 

“Woah.” 

“It was annoying, they made such a big deal out of it,” Kenma shrugged. “They started to cry and forced themselves to understand, even though they didn’t. Still called me a he/him. They don’t understand why they’d call one single person they.” 

Kuroo let out a loud sigh and wrapped his body around Kenma’s sitting form. “That sucks. Everyone sucks. Let’s go somewhere, Kenma.” 

“It’s 12 AM, Kuro, I’m tired and I know you want sleep too,” Kenma said, falling back onto their bed. 

“Nah. I’m excited, yelling at Dad was fun,” Kuroo smiled. “Get up! We’re going on a trip! And we can wear matching outfits, Mom sent me more stuff.” 

“Fine, but only because I wanna see the outfits,” Kenma groaned. Kuroo tossed Kenma a really short tank top and a plaid skirt. “You do realize that it’s really fuckin’ cold, right?” 

“Yeah, cool, cool, now wear it so we can match!” Kuroo insisted, trying to pull their sweater off. 

Kenma gasped for breath, “Kuro, stop- It-It tickles, don’t touch me!” 

“Get naked already!”

“You sound like a pervert, Kuro, let go and I’ll get naked,” Kenma scowled at him and quickly took off their sweater and pants, throwing on the top and skirt. “My entire stomach is showing and this skirt is so short and tight I think it’s gonna leave marks on me.” 

“Shut up, you look so good in it!” Kuroo replied, “And we’re matching too, don’t we look great?” 

“Kuro… why do I have to wear the bright pink outfit and you get the dark purple?” Kenma sighed, looking at themself in the mirror. 

“‘Cause i wanted to see how you looked in brighter colors, and you look hot. C’mon, compliment me, Kenma! I gave you so many, now it’s your turn!” 

Kenma’s face turned red. “You look hot too, I guess… it’s cold, though.” 

“Aww, you’re all red! Don’t worry, there’s also cardigans in here. And boots! Put them on and let’s fucking goo!” Kuroo yelled, skipping out of the room. 

-   
  


Kenma cackled when Kuroo fell flat on his face. “I told you to wear your shoes instead of the boots.” 

  
“But the boots match the outfit! And they’re big, and I know you like them too because they make you like, a foot taller!” Kuroo squatted on the ground, giving up on trying to stand on the boots. 

  
“Close your legs, you’re showing me all your junk, it’s disgusting.”    
  


Kuroo spread his legs even more.

  
  
“Classy,” Kenma snorted. “Well, where are we going?” 

  
“Kenma, I don’t even know. Let’s just sit here.” 

  
Kenma rolled his eyes and kicked Kuroo. Kuroo let out a squawk as he toppled over once again. 

  
“Kenma!” Kuroo gasped and Kenma simply snickered as they watched their friend trip over his feet trying to get back up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah kuroken breathed


	10. don't mess with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kenma and tora bc its part of his childhood :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of the stuff is from the manga a bit from the anime too  
> also more coming out!!!1

_ Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary _

_ I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate _

_ Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry _

_ Ain't that how it's s'posed to be? Though it isn't me _

_ Boys will be bugs right? _

**Kuroo : Age 17**

**Kenma : Age 16**

Kenma hated exercising or just moving in general. What they hated the most was running with the volleyball club. 

The only good thing was the fun scenarios he could imagine. 

  
There was always that guy with the weird hair that interrupted their thoughts, Yamamoto or something. He kept yelling shit like ‘willpower’.    
  
  
“My god, you’re so slow! You’re a lap behind!” he yelled. “Show me what you’re made of!” Kenma never tried to hide his judgemental eyes. 

  
Kenma did not like him.    
  
“‘The A-Pass’, that’s Nekoma for you!” Yamamoto yelled.    
  
  
Kenma stared blankly at the volleyball net, he just wanted to sit down. Kuroo was a fucking liar when he said it wouldn’t require much energy. It required too much energy, constantly running, lifting weight, and more stuff. The annoying thing was that they could always feel Yamamoto staring at them. 

  
_ Geez, why couldn’t he just mind his own business. _

  
“Kozume,” Yamamoto stated. “Even if Kuroo is like family to you, I’m not goin’ easy on you.”

“...The heck?” Kenma sighed. “How’s whether Kuro is acquainted with me or whatever relevant to this? We’re just doing drills for 1-on-1 passes anyway, right? ”  _ Damn, Yamamoto was annoying _ . 

  
They started their passing drills and Kenma knew for a fact that Yamamoto was mentally judging them, the pissed face on his face said so. Kenma could really care less.    
  
  
Yamamoto unexpectedly spiked the ball, “Take this!” Kenma easily moved into a receiving position.  _ Oh he was really asking for it _ .

  
Kenma watched as Yamamoto hesitated, falling for his feint. “Damn it!”   
  
-   
  
“Sooooo, how about you start putting some effort into getting along with others?”    
  
  
“...He started it,” Kenma muttered.    
  
  
“Mmm… I mean, I do like the style of returning the favor when someone tries to pick a fight, but...” A frown settled on Kuroo’s face. “Look, I’m not telling you to pretend to be civil or anything, but you guys are in the same court, you know? You’ll be stuck with each other for a long time to come…”

Kenma looked away from him.

  
They walked in silence after that.    
  
  
“I found a box of Mom’s old clothes… wanna try ‘em on?” Kuroo said, trying to lighten the mood. Kenma nodded.   
  
-   
  
Kenma remembered their first practice match, and it wasn’t really that exciting as people had made it out to be. It was just a practice match… So why did Yamamoto look so bummed out because of it?   
  
-   
  
They were cleaning up the gym together and Kuroo’s words had flashed back into Kenma’s mind as they stared at Yamamoto’s back.    
  
  
Kenma took a deep breath in and braced themself, “Uh… Uhm… Yamamoto?” Yamamoto paused, but didn’t make a move to turn around. “Maybe it’d help if you relaxed the power in your shoulders a bit…?” they stared at the ground.

“Easy for you to say,” Yamamoto sneered. “As if it’s so easy to do!” His shoulders tensed even more. “I’m trying to put what I’ve worked hard for into practice, you think it’s easy to just let go and relax? Whatever! Anyway, I just didn’t have enough willpower so just-”   
  
  
Kenma grew annoyed. “I think you should stop being hung up on broad, abstract concepts like willpower and whatever,” Kenma scoffed. “Start thinking about the problem in more precise, tangible terms.”    
  
  
Yamamoto turned around with an angry expression and glared at Kenma, Kenma glared back.    
  
  
Yamamoto turned back around, a guilty expression now on his face, “...I was too hyper-aware of the ball!” Kenma’s once annoyed feeling was turning into shock. “I got riled up by the other team! I tried too hard to score from those difficult angles.”

  
“If… If you know all that, then why do you write it all off as ‘not enough willpower’?” Kenma was getting pissed.

“Well, I didn’t work hard enough or didn’t have enough willpower and dedication during our training sessions, right?”

“All of your running and weight training isn’t you trying to ‘work hard’, you’re just doing it for your own ego and self-satisfaction!”   
  
  
Kenma’s eyes widened when Yamamoto twisted a fist around their shirt, pulling them up from the around. “How about you, then?” he spat. “How many balls have you just not bothered to chase?”   
  
  
Kenma looked away, feeling sheepish. They just didn’t want to move, because it was such a tiring sport. It would’ve been no use anyway.

  
“If you can’t even be motivated during training sessions, then it’s gonna be the same deal during matches, right? Your voice is too soft, and you never seem to try!” Yamamoto ranted, swinging Kenma back and forward. “An unmotivated guy like you has no right to talk about what willpower is!   
  
  
_ I’m not a guy. _   
  
  
Something snapped inside Kenma. “Cut it out with the willpower crap!” Kenma’s hand grabbed Yamamoto’s hair, pulling it roughly. “It’s vague and meaningless!” More tugging and pulling. “Physical strength isn’t the only thing that matters!”   
  
  
“Stop talking about stuff I can’t understand!” Yamamoto tugged at Kenma’s shirt.

  
“I’m telling you that it won’t help you beat a game!” Kenma struggled, trying to fight back.

  
“What the hell do games have to do with this?” More yelling, spitting, and pulling.   
  
  
“You need strategy and to think about what you need to win!”   
  
  
“You need willpower to win!”   
  
  
“Hey, that’s enough you two!” Yaku yelled, but it fell on deaf ears.    
  
  
They both froze the second freezing cold water splash onto them. They slowly turned around to see Fukunaga holding a dripping bucket of water.   
  
  
“Mr. Freeze… says to chill out.”   
  
  
Yamamoto stared at him in disbelief, stomping on the pile of water below them. “Huuh? You? What even? What? How am I even supposed to respond to that? Mr. Free… Hey, who’s gonna clean this up?”    
  
  
“My bad.”   
  
  
“Holy crap, Fukanaga!” Yaku yelled.    
  
  
“Guess we need to get the mop.”   
  
  
Kenma snickered.    
  
  
“What the hell are you laughing about?” Yamamoto screamed.    
  
  
“You’re pretty funny, Fukanaga,” Kenma chuckled. Fukanaga seemed cool. 

Kuroo walked to Kenma, a worried look on his face. “What’s all the ruckus about?” 

Kenma sighed, feeling a bit miserable as water dripped down his body. “It’s been a while since I raised my voice like that…”   
  
  
“Kenma! That was really stupid! What if you get sick?” Kuroo gasped.    
  
  
“I’m fine, Kuro, I just need to get dried…” Kenma sneezed.

  
  
“You’re sick! I’m taking care of you and you can’t say otherwise!” Kuroo frowned. “And Yamamoto! Don’t call Kenma a guy!”    
  
  
“Kuro…” Kenma sighed.  
  
  
-  
  
  
Somehow, the tension between them and Yamamoto wasn’t heavy and thick anymore.    
  
  
Volleyball still seemed boring, it was all the same. Kenma didn’t gain any motivation or “willpower” as Yamamoto called it, Kenma just didn’t like to lose. They didn’t bother to put all his energy into it, even though Kuroo did keep calling Kenma out to move.    
  
  
And when they had both played their first game together, they were both glad that they were on the same team.    
  
  
“Oi, Kenma,” Yamamoto hesitantly said. Kenma jumped a bit, then turned around. “Feel free to call me ‘Tora’. That’s what my friends call me.”   
  
  
Kenma blinked, then looked away with a bored expression. “Do I have to…?”   
  
  
“The hell did you just say?” Yamamoto yelled, pulling Kenma up from the ground. “Wait- No, not the wat-”   
  
  
They ended up dripping wet once again. “Kenma.”   
  
  
Kuroo wrapped a towel around Kenma’s wet, black hair. “What now?” Kenma sighed.   
  
  
“What did Kuroo mean by not calling you a guy?”    
  
  
Kenma felt Kuroo tense up. “I’m not a guy.”   
  
  
“You’re sayin’ you’re a girl? Why’re you on the boy’s volleyball team then-” Yamamoto scoffed. Kenma rolled their eyes.    
  
  
“There’s more than just a guy and a girl. I’m not a guy or a girl.”   
  
  
“What the hell are you, then? An alien?”    
  
  
“You really are stupid…” Kenma muttered. “I’m nonbinary. I used they/them instead of he/him and her/she.”    
  
  
“I’m confused. How can you not be a girl or a boy? Do you not have boobs or a dick or a-”   
  
  
Kenma smacked him roughly on the head. “It means I don’t identify as any gender!”    
  
  
“But that’s- Don’t hit me!” Yamamoto screamed, trying to hit Kenma back.   
  
  
“Oi. Kenma identifies as Non-Binary, which means that they are not a boy or a girl, and whether or not you have the genitals doesn’t matter. You can be any gender you want. Call Kenma a they/them. Unless you have a problem and decide to judge people base on a stupid thing as gender?” Kuroo said, looking at Yamamoto to see whether or not he would be judgemental.    
  
  
“I think I get it… I’m still confused. I don’t have a problem with it at all!” Yamamoto quickly said. “And it… it’s kinda cool how you have no gender…” he admitted.    
  
  
-  
  
  
“Kenma! That was your first time coming out to someone!” Kuroo yelled, a look of excitement on his face.   
  
  
“Not really… I came out to you and my parents,” Kenma shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”   
  
  
“No! I mean like another person our age- you get it! And it is a big deal! Let’s celebrate! I wanna practice my makeup skills!’    
  
  
“No- Kuro, the last time you did that I looked like a fucking clown!”


	11. though it isn't me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fun filler chapter cause kuroken :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> halloween :))

_ Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary _

_ I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate _

_ Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry _

_ Ain't that how it's s'posed to be? Though it isn't me _

_ Boys will be bugs right? _

**Kuroo : Age 17**

**Kenma: Age 16**

“No Kuro, I am not dressing up in a slutty angel costume with you,” Kenma sighed.   
  
  
“Please, Kenma! I always wanted to be that one couple that wore those slutty angel and devil costumes and get judgemental looks from everyone when we arrive at the street parties! Please!” Kuroo whined. “Please, kitten?” 

  
Kenma stuffed his face into his pillow, letting out a loud groan. “Fine, just show me the costumes.”

-

  
“Kuro, please. You are not wearing fucking panties. Where would your dick go? The front is literally 2 inches wide, and I know your dick isn’t that small.” Kenma said the second Kuroo threw the thin underwear on the bed. “Are you going to flash the kids or something?”

“First of all, thank you for admitting that my dick is big. Second of all, shit, you’re right. My dick is literally going to be dangl-”

  
“Kuro, please do me a favor and shut the fuck up?”   
  


-   
  
  
“Kuro, I fucking hate you so much right now,” Kenma shivered, rubbing their arms. “I want to shove a whole ass pumpkin down your throat.” On Kenma’s flat chest was a white bra, embezzled with white jewels. They wore a see-through skirt that flowed down to their mid-thigh with a thigh slit. Under the skirt were tight shorts. On their back laid a pair of fluffy angel wings and a tacky, fluffy halo sprung from his newly bleached hair. 

  
Kuroo wore the same thing, but in black and he wore devil horns with a devil tail. Their nails were also messily painted since Kuroo insisted that they  _ needed _ to paint their nails. (He messed up 4 fingers because he wanted to try on the skirt but alas, the nail polish had not dried)    
  
“Careful of those claws, kitten, you love me after all,” Kuroo winked. “I’m hungry, let’s go find a good bakery first!” 

  
Kenma grabbed Kuroo’s hand, suddenly aware of the number of people around them. They were in Tokyo, after all, and Halloween was also insane in Tokyo. 

  
Kuroo started running and pointed at a hunched black figure. “Kenma! Kenma! Look- there’s No Face giving out candy!”

  
“All these costumes are so cool…” Kenma looked around and they barely saw anyone with the same costumes, some were in anime cosplays or the classic costumes like ghosts and witches. Loud music was blasting the streets, everyone seemed to be smiling and having fun.

It didn’t make Kenma feel anxious, or shake like the other times he was in a room filled with people, it made him feel relaxed and free. He knew he wasn’t going to get lost and he wouldn’t have to talk to strangers because he knew Kuroo was right there.

Kuroo tugged Kenma’s hand, “Kenma! Let’s go shopping!”    
  


-

  
Kenma and Kuroo ran across the streets, hand in hand as laughter bubbled from their chest. They had no idea why they were laughing, but the amount of sugar they had eaten, the cold wind against their bare skins, and simply being with each other made them feel fuzzy and warm. 

  
It was a wonderful feeling. 

  
“Kenma, it feels amazing!” Kuroo laughed. “Nobody is staring at me or saying anything, I’m a fucking boy and I’m wearing a skirt and makeup!” he screamed and nobody batted an eye. Kenma couldn’t stop the wide smile that came over his face. 

  
“Yeah, Kuro.”   
  
  
It was in the middle of the night and despite the lights, the people, the overbearing noises of chatter and tacky music, Kuroo stood out the most to them with his ruined face of make-up, his messy bed hair, and his wrinkled up skirt.    
  
  
  
Kenma couldn’t find themself looking away from him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh how i wish it were the holidays already.


	12. boys will be bugs right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo n kenma say fuck toxic masculinity and our favorite orange crow is here :)

_ (Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary _

_ I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate _

_ Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry _

_ Ain't that how it's s'posed to be? Though it isn't me _

_ Boys will be bugs right?) _

**Kuroo : Age 18**

**Kenma : Age 17**

**Hinata : Age 15**

“Kenma!” 

Kenma looked up from their phone, smiling softly at how Kuroo had looked in the girl’s uniform and his messily painted fingers held up in a peace sign. They were aware of the stares his boyfriend received and felt a bit nervous if people were going to say anything. 

“Are you a boy or a girl?” someone yelled, turning everyone’s attention to Kuroo. Kenma hesitated for a quick second, but then opened their mouth to say something. 

“I’m a boy,” Kuroo stated. “You got a problem with that? Want me to show my dick or something?” 

The person flushed. 

“If my skirt bothers you that much, just look away, but I do appreciate all the attention. Let’s go Kenma!” Kuroo shrugged. 

-

“Shouyou,” Kenma smiled softly when Hinata sat on their bed. 

“Kenma! That isn’t fair, why do you always invite the shrimp over, but not me, your boyfriend!” Kuroo whined, trying to hug Kenma. 

“Because you’re a nuisance.” 

“Hi Kenma, hi Kuroo,” Hinata murmured. 

Hinata’s tone wasn’t as bright and cheery as it usually was, which made Kenma worried. “Is something wrong?” 

“Kuroo… I never knew you wore, uh-”

“Do you have a problem with it?” Kuroo cut him off with a cold tone. Hinata’s eyes widened as he got closer to Kuroo.

Hinata looked down at the floor, fingers catching on the hem of his shirt. “No! It’s just… aren’t you scared that people are gonna look at you and think that you’re weak and not a… boy?” 

A smile appeared on Kuroo’s face. “Nah. Not anymore, why should it matter, shrimp? Just wear a fucking skirt, look at those people in the face and say ‘fuck you.’”

“I can’t say that! I don’t wanna curse!” Hinata whined. “But what if nobody likes me anymore and I won’t be able to play volleyball anymore because I wear girly stuff? And... to be honest I'm just so confused about everything. I don't know if I like boys or girls, or actually feel attraction towards anyone? And- Sometimes I like imagining myself as a girl, but I like being a boy! But, it's just.” 

“Listen shrimp, you don't need any official labels. Just exist and like whoever the fuck you like and be whatever you want. You don't need to put a label on yourself, okay? And hey, I’m still playing volleyball, right? They’re your team, shrimp, you’re not gonna be kicked out because of what you wear!”

“Clothes don’t have a gender,” Kenma added. "And Kuro's right. I struggled a bit trying to figure out what I identified as and for some time I just gave up on that shit you know? Don't feel pressured to have a label on your sexuality and gender, Shouyou." 

“I… I wanna wear stuff like you, Kuroo! But I dunno how or where I’m going to get it…” Hinata frowned. “And I don’t wanna ask Mom, what if she-”

“No worries, Shrimp! I’m sure Kenma still has their old clothes somewhere, and I still have some when I was 13!” Kuroo said. “Kenma! Open your closet, we’re giving Shrimpy here a makeover!” 

Hinata’s eyes glowed, “Really?” 

“Yes, yes, I’m going to make you into a masterpiece!” 

Kenma was proud of Kuroo. Kuroo had been a shy kid who was always struggling to express himself, always caught up in toxic masculinity. The Kuroo standing in front of them now was confident, wearing what society deemed unacceptable for a male, standing up for himself, and helping others become comfortable in their own skin as well. 

(The way Kuroo had reassured Hinata about himself made Kenma happy, because goddamit, Kenma was so soft when it came to Hinata and Kuroo.) 

Kuroo honestly didn’t want Hinata to experience the things he did, the least he could do was try to help Hinata. It made Kuroo feel more comfortable and confident in himself knowing that he would be able to help Hinata simply feel  _ pretty _ while still being confident in his masculinity.

Society was never going to change nor will toxic masculinity disappear and it sucked, but as Kenma watched Kuroo make a mess of their room and throwing pieces of fabric on Hinata, they think that it’s going to be okay from now on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how nice the end bye bye

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading have a nice day/night/evening/afternoon


End file.
